ESTRANGED

I can sense something, something strange..
Some strange feeling pushing me into a blind well of fear..
Something, which conveys that my end is near..
I am afraid, but I don't know why..
wish I could know..
that what will be I after I die...
Or will I be nothing..
then I must find out.
what exactly is nothing, If that is what I am going to be..
I know lord, I had wished for my death to thee..
But now somehow, I don't want to break free.
For few more days I want to be me.

V

DECIEVED, SO WHAT?

What do I say now..
I have lost all my words somewhere behind,
I could see my death coming,
and yet I acted blind,
there came poison, draping love,
there came an eagle,
looking like a dove..

The moment I tasted love,
I knew it was poison,
The moment I flew with dove,
I knew it was an eagle,
yet I went ahead, to save the name of the name,'love',
yet I went ahead, to respect the innocence of the name 'dove',

Now when alone in the barren,
when I find myself lying, broken and dead..
whom do I blame for the same?
I killed myself just to save that name..
that name love..
that name dove..

So what if it was poison,
I drank it like love,
and, indeed it was painful,
even more than love!
So what if it was eagle,
I loved it like dove,
and, indeed it was shrewd,
but I never missed the dove !

My duty was done,
My life was made,
So what if the destiny played the game,
My part was well played !

BORN WITH A BEST FRIEND CALLED DIDI !

When I came in this world,
all I could see around me was a strange world
with SO big big people all around.
Estranged, I cried, in my inaudible voice,
and then slowly I slept with my eyes shut tight.
In my dreams I complained to God,
asked what kind of a place it was,
he had left me alone between such huge huge living beings,
I asked, where is my friend, who he promised,
for me on earth there was.

Suddenly I was woken with a tight bang on my right cheek
I opened my eyes and there sat a little being,
just a few inches bigger than me,
small small hands,
tender tender cheeks,
yes, this is something of my kind!
But hey! what kind of style is that to greet?

Happy to find my friend from heaven,
My eyes stuck on its face,
It kept me hitting left and right,
But I was happy with that case.
Alas, some huge creatures came towards me shouting
and pulled my friend away
that was something which made me sad,
again unprotected, I thought I lay.

Hey, That was the reason I cried my sister,
and that is why i cried so late,
It was because my guardian angel was taken away from me,
and not because you hit me with your tiny hands that day!

That has been the day
and till the day,
when ever in trouble,
you are the one I always look up to.
Problems which I faced alone
without you
when I count them, they are just one or two..
Oh..so few so few
You never let me alone,
you never set me alone
even to be when I wanted to!

be it dad's scoldings,
I had you hold my hand
(because before his genuine scoldings,
it was the only way to help!)

be it mom's beatings,
I had you screaming and running around
(i still have those words so clearly jingling in my ears,
"matt maaro meri Shinni ko!")

be it a bullying senior,
I had a refuge of your attitude
(When the bully boss of your play group had dared to bully me,
you pulled me in, and hid me behind the door, peeped out and,
"Mansi!" on top of your voice, and hastily closed the door!
hahah! at that time, that was the most,
the little you could do!)

be it a fighting friend,
I had your shelter shield
(when I had nothing to defend myself,
I used to threaten them by saying,
"my didi will come to meet me in the tiffin time,
then what she will do with you, you will see!"

be it a group of torturing classmates,
Your eyes were enough to protect
(not too big to take big actions,
just a year elder you were, and too shy to speak,
Your quiet gentle look at my eyes in tears,
wiping them with little little hands,
and then your silent steady stare at them,
that used to be enough to bend down there head,
as you proudly held my hand,
and used to walk away.

be it an insect which I hunted, and tried to chew,with a mouth without teeth,
I had the little sensible you, to sense that something was terribly wrong,
and getting no help from no where, you opened my mouth wide,
and pulled the struggling creature out,
it was indeed a big thing, for a child,
who was scared of every moving little living being.

be it me boiling in fever,
I had you every moment by my side,
you missed your school too,
you also didn't go out to play in evenings,
a girl who never use to drink water,
until I use to bring it in a glass for her,
made barley, lemon water, glucon D,
every second hour,
and made me drink all of it.

be it a group of people spreading rumors about me in my teenage,
I had your faith in me,
(no one could dare to say anything against me in front of you,
"Nothing against my sister ya? I know my Shinni better than you!)

Luckiest on earth I feel when I look at my entire family,
but even luckier I feel when I look at you!
My ready made friend, made in heaven, specially for me,
You have been the only one in my life,
who knows me inside out,
you have been the most important person to me,
my guardian angel,my best friend
Promise me that you will be with me till the end!

STILL A ROSE

Once upon a time..there was rose..
the only one of its type in the whole garden..
loved by the gardener..
loved by its branch..
deep in color..fresh in essence..
though lonely...yet happy..

One morning when it woke it it felt a tender touch..
it saw beneath its petals, a little extension to the branch..
Rose was filled with joy..
oh! someone new to the family!
It felt the lovely togetherness..
It slowly fell in love..

gradually as it grew..
Alas!it became a thorn..
right beneath its petals..
it started to hurt..
yet rose was in love..with its touch ..with its pain..
it shadowed the thorn from the sun..
it sheltered the thorn in the rain..
the love of rose was so high..
that it dig down the thorn in shame..

One night when rose was asleep..
lost in beautiful dreams..
an attractive looking butterfly..
came fluttering and found the thorn..
it went beneath the petals..
touched and kissed the thorn..
at the beauty of the butterfly..
Alas! thorn's loyalty was gone..

A tender breeze blew..
and brought the thorn to senses..
thorn was reminded of those sheltering petals..
it felt the pang of guilt..
it pushed the butterfly away..
and being a thorn it pricked..
pricked to hurt its beautiful wings..
The butterfly cried a lot..cried a lot to stay..
But the thorn requested to fly before morning..
it pleaded to the butterfly, to fly away..

The butterfly was determined..
determined to hurt the rose..
though it flew from the thorn..
but went and sat in the lap of the rose..
When rose woke up in the morning..
it was filled with joy..
to see a pretty creature in its lap..
but the butterfly didn't show any love..
it showed the tears instead..
it cried and and showed the wounds..
which the thorn last night gave..
It told about the moment of love they shared..
It asked to give the thorn away..

The rose was shocked..
The rose was hurt..
the rose was all in pain..
but at that moment all it could see was..
the wound on butterfly's wings..
and it took it under its care.
it gave them the tender touch..
it gave its essence..
it did all that it could do to heal..
but once they were healed..
the butterfly changed...
its beautiful colorful wings turned into ugly black one..
with just some marks of the wounds.

Yes..it turned into a nasty devil..
which came directly from hell..
no feelings no love..
it just came to snatch back the thorn..
which had dropped by from its den..
As it got up to go, it hit the rose hard..
hit it with the same wings..which once the rose tried to heal..
The dark devil cursed the thorn and flew back to its hell..

The rose almost touched the ground..
but couldn't fall down..
it was heavy..heavy with pain..
but yet it stood high once again..
the thorn lay right there beneath its petals..
hurting it as before..
it never realized how rose was hurt..
which hurt the rose even more..

But whatever it be and how ever it be..
the devil was not a butterfly..
evil it was and would always be
the thorn couldn't change,
how much ever rose would love
because this is how it was supposed to be..
And the rose..was a rose..
after all the trial of its disgrace..
still a rose..as graceful as it would always be

But the sensitive rose was hurt till its depth..
though it smiled all day, but every night it wept..
till today, in the morning all the tears lay on its top..
to which we all exclaim and say..
Oh! such lovely dew drops!

A HEART ACHE

First time in my life I wished you would have lied to me..

First time in my life my mirror questioned my pride..

First time in my life I wished I could end my life..

First time in my life I picked up a knife..

I wished it never happened..

I wished my heart was still alive..

But sadly all my wishes are in vain..

Till I breathe, I will have to bear this pain..

I know to love you still is insane

But sadly I am a heart and not a brain.

 

EK IJAAZAT DE DO BASS..

तुम्हारी एक बेवफाई हम पे उधार थी..
आज उसे चुकाने कि इजाज़त दे दो.

एक रोज़ हमारा दिल किसी से छीन कर तुमको दे दिया था..
आज इसे उसको लौटाने कि इजाज़त दे दो.

उसके जाने के बाद ये जाना कि उसकी साँसों पर ही जी रहे थे हम..
आज चैन से मर जाने कि इजाज़त दे दो.

मन अपनी मरियादा छोड़ कर आज फिर उसके प्यार के सागर कि ओर चला है
आज डूब जाने कि इजाज़त दे दो

उजालों में लिपटा वो राह देखता होगा हमारी
हमें भी उस पार जाने कि इजाज़त दे दो

ALONE

All these materialistic pleasures..
I understand their futility now..
Nothing in this world is that we own..
And we are owned by someone, who is still not known...
We say we walk together..
But the reality is, all of us are on our own..
the truth is,
we had walked in alone, and we shall walk out alone....

THE FREE HEART

Full of colors..
He was a free heart.
He had stolen the rainbow..
It was scattered in his every part
He lived to spread colors..
All colors, from bright to dark..
NO I won't cry any more..
all the colors have flown out,
Now, that he has fallen apart..
I gather them all..
Smile and say..
"he had stolen the rainbow..
indeed, He was a free Heart!"

HAM KYUN NAHI SAMJHE

हवाओं ने हमारा आँचल झाग्झोरा था, जुल्फें बिखेरी थीं, रोती सी आवाज़ में..
हमसे कुछ बोला था
हम क्यूँ नहीं समझे..कि क्या उनको कहना था

बिन मौसम बादल भी आए थे, गरजे थे हमपे, ओले भी बरसाए थे..
थर्राए थे, भरमाये थे
हम क्यूँ नहीं समझे..कि वो रोते रोते हमारी गली में क्यूँ आए थे

सूरज भी हद से ज़्यादा उबला था, जलाया था हमको, बुझाया था हमको..
बेचैन कर के छोड़ा था
हम क्यूँ नहीं समझे..कि उसने किस ओर हमको मोड़ा था

आधी रात कोयल भी आई थी, चीखी थी चिल्लाई थी, हमारे दिल को घबराई थी
रात भर चौंकायी थी
हम क्यूँ नहीं समझे..कि अपनी दर्द भरी भाषा में वो क्या हमको बतलाने आई थी

इन सब ने बतलाया था, हमारी ज़िन्दगी के खो जाने का संदेस सुनाया था,
तुम हमें छोड़ गए हो ये समझाया था
हम क्यूँ नहीं समझे..कि जीते-जी हमने अपनी जान को ही गवाया था

YOU ARE NOT GONE

Once you held me in your attractive charm
Once you held me in your protective arms
That was the time of surrender
That was the time of magical love
I met my prince in you
You saw your angel' in me
We flew together..together all the way
So what if we were always far away
The distance couldn't touch our togetherness

"Ah! look at the strange couple"..all used to say!
And now they say that you are gone
And they want me believe this..
Silly are they..cuz they don't know..
that I had stolen..some pieces of you..
Still have them throbbing in my heart.

A joy of your laughter, when I cracked some silly jokes
A pang of your pain, when you saw me in tears
A tickle of your smile, when I used to shy away
A torment of your sorrow, when we had our first fight
A tenderness of your scoldings, when I didn't have my dinner properly
A regret of your complaints, when I missed your calls
An amusement of your jealousy, when you heard some male voice on the line
A refuge of your attitude, when that poor man had dared to look at me in a wrong way
A drop of your tear..the only one in your life you shed before me..when we bid each other the last goodbye..

Just a few I have listed of the vast sky of memoirs I have of you..
floating in each and every corner of my heart
You live my darling..and you will always be alive..Till This heart beats..You can't die
I don't believe them..I won't believe them..And you know that I never did
I always knew you better..I will always know you better..you will still grow like you did..
I have you in me..why do I need to search outside..
You are within me..Alive..And will always be.

WHEN LOVE DEPARTS

You are someone whom I love
He is someone who loves me

You are someone who makes me happy
He is someone who wants me to be happy

You are someone who makes me cry

He is someone who cries when I am in tears

You are someone for whom I am just a part of his vast world
He is someone to whom I mean the world

You are someone who barely has a moment to spend with me
He is someone who wants to be with me each and every moment

You are someone who starts getting suffocated just in two days of togetherness
He is someone who can't be happy if I go away from him even for a day

You are someone who can hang up the phone and just be happy leaving me crying
He is someone who would not let me be alone when I am crying, even when I beg for that.

You are someone who wants me to say what you like, you want, you think, you say.
He is someone whose only interest in life is to know what I feel, I think, I want and I do.

You are someone for whom I am just the another one
He is someone for whom I am his only love

You are someone with whom I crave to be with when I need the most, but can't get hold of.
He is someone who is by my side whenever I need

You are someone for whom I am no where on the priority list
He is someone for whom I am the most important thing in this world

You are someone who never cared to heal the pain which you gave
He is someone keeps making efforts to heal up those wounds

You are someone who couldn't stand by me when his x insulted me
He is someone who wouldn't hesitate to knock her head off, if he would know

You are someone who has lead his such a way that it will cause pain to my heart every moment
He is someone who puts in all his heart in making my life beautiful

You are someone whom I chose for my HEART,its true, but,
He is someone whom I choose for my LIFE.














  

TURNING STONE ONCE AGAIN

LETTING MY SANITY CRUSH ALL MY DREAMS..


LETTING MY EYES BE OPEN YET BLINDED..


LETTING MY TEARS DIE IN THE LAP OF MY LASHES..


LETTING ALL MY EMOTIONS FLY FROM THE CAGE OF ATTACHMENTS..


REBUILDING MY HEART..UNBREAKABLY STRONG..


TURNING STONE ONCE AGAIN.

KUCHH BUJHTE RANG

कभी अरमानों के खूबसूरत रंगों से एक तसवीर बनाई थी
..तुम्हारे साथ की...
वक़्त के झरने में वो रंग धुल के बह गए तो जाना..
कि वो रंग तो कच्चे थे..
लेकिन आज जब उस तसवीर को गौर से देखा..
तो कुछ कुछ रंग आज भी उतने हि गहरे दिखे..
फर्क सिर्फ इतना था कि पहले वो ज़िन्दगी कि खूबसूरती का हिस्सा लगते थे..
आज वो ज़िन्दगी पर लगे चन्द अनचाहे दाग से ज़्यादा..
..और कुछ नहीं..
ना वो तसवीर मिट हि सकी ना बच हि सकी..
बस कुछ निशान बाक़ी रह गए.

THE DEVIL WON'T WIN

The king has been watching..
I know he can't be this unfair.
.a heart so white
,but shows like a DARK cloud..
a heart so black,
but shows like a BRIGHT moon.
 I dunno how hez gonna paint the justice..
 the only thing i know is that, 
soon this dark cloud will take the form of BRIGHT graceful snow flakes..
that, soon the sun will withdraw its brightness, and the truth of the moon will come out as its DARK face....

HENRY AWAKENED

"Sleep Henry sleep
You are tired and exhausted
rest in my arms
loosen your palms
you have lived all the counted moments of stay..
hold my hand and we shall fly away.."

Henry opens his eyes
just to discover that all his pain has gone
just to discover that he is comfortable without breathing
just to discover that he can't feel his hands and arms
just to discover that he is lying in the arms of a strange, yet a beautiful man..
with big wings on his back..with a face glowing like moon n with an enchanting smile

"Oh Christ! where is my car?
I don't know this place, how did I come so far..
far away from my adorable mom, my amazing dad,
far away from my beautiful wife..my sweetheart Belina..my honey..my life.."

Expressions yet so calm
The strange man utters sweetly with charm

"life had to end one day, Henry
And Lord had declared that in every way
all the moments you had in your palms
one by one have slipped away..
no more are left over
no more in this world you can stay
I have come to escort you..
I am the angel of death..
Oh no.. don't get frightened..
its a moment of freedom  for you
and not of dismay"

Henry gasps and pulls himself back
he tries to cry, but now the emotions lack
drenched in trauma, he tries to clutch his own arms,
Alas! the body is gone...just the shapes remain..
he looks at the angel, with pleading eyes,

"Oh no Gabriel, not so soon,
I haven't thanked the sun yet,I haven't admired the moon"

"Ah.. how could you Henry and when could you? you got enough nights and days,
but all you did was stare at the TV, cry in the recession, and smile at the time of boom"

"I haven't got time to sleep in her lap, my mom still must be waiting..
Oh Gabriel, let me go..my mom would be all in tears.."

"You left her lap when you were eight, since then she has been waiting,
O'cmon Henry don't fool your self, you had always time in ample,
but always what caught more of your interest was, sometimes your friends, sometimes your girlfriends,
sometimes your job..and about mom's lap? hah! who cares!."

"I haven't got time to play golf with him, he requested me years ago..
Let me go or my dad would feel I am being rude and am not a good son"

"yes.. this time I would say you didn't get time..you hadn't time to play with him as you were too busy playing golf with your boring bosses to get those 'worthwhile' promotions..so what if you couldn't be a good son
Rejoice Henry!At your work place, you have been the best one!"

"Oh..My honey..My sweetheart Beli, I can't leave her alone..she won't be able to survive,
Gabriel I haven't got time to talk to her properly..I still haven't discovered
 her feelings, her emotions,
Oh..in all these twenty years, I have got no time to share her care and love,
let me go Gabriel, she always said she loves me, I need to say this at least once."

"Can't leave alone?? Oh Henry don't act funny..and tell me when did you not leave her alone?
she always complained that you don't give her time,

when you were on tours, she used to cry over the phone, And you used say,

'honey I wish to hear your pain, I wish to wipe your tears, but now I got to hang up,

because my boss is here."

About her love, you missed it years back..because, though you didn't have time to share,

but her driver has always been there..till when could her love bear all the pain..so she has moved on with her driver Jane..Don't worry she will survive..Jane is a nice man.. he, in the real sense will make her his wife!

Now lets go Henry, I have other tasks,

I can't keep answering whatever my 'victim' asks"

Impatient Gabriel pulls up Henry in his arms

all the colours of Henry lost

Struggling in his firm arms,his eyes shut tight,

Henry shouts out loud

"Lemme go lemme go..I promise I would live in real meaning this time....

..not like a machene..like a human...I 'll be there whenever they need..

mom's lap.. Dad's golf club.. Beli's love...She can't go.. she is mine... she is mine...

I will be with her.....she is mine..she is mine...."

A sudden sweet voice rings in his ear

he feels a nylon wiping his tear

the firm hold suddenly feels like a comfortable one

the voice is of Belina, dipped in fun

"Henry.. Henry.. wake up honey

Darling you have been restless in your dreams

blabbering out some strange words..

I also noticed a drop of tear..

Calm down baby..

whatever it was..it was just a dream"

Giggling Beli soothes him with her smile

Puzzled though much relived,

Henry wipes his eyes and touches her cheeks

"Oh Beli.. I am so glad its you"

"Ofcourse its me..who else should it be..

do you want someone else..?don't tell me you have an extra marital affair..

thats why you don't spend time with me.. thats why...."

"No Beli no one else..Its only you and no one else could it be..
I need to tell you that how much I love you

I would take week off...spend ample of time with you..

I would always call you in the lunch time..

and mom and dad too...lets pack the bags honey..

we are going on holidays..We are going to stay with parents for a while..

and then, off to next honeymoon, where ever you say.."

A blended smile of surprise and shock,

comes on Beli's face,

though lightened up, yet suspicious,

She stares at him and asks

"But you said, you have no time this week

lots of meeting lots of work,

no time to share, no time to care,

even sundays are packed..

as you boss wishes to play golf with..."

Henry goes closer to her and holds her tight

stares deep within her emotional eyes

his expressions intense, his voice composed.

"No Beli.. these meetings are more important than those..

because I am human and not a machine.. just a mortal.. I don't know

my counted moments are how many.. so all which I get are precious to me..

I don't want to go back unsatisfied.. I don't want to go back with regrets..

money is just to survive..emotions are means to live, I don't want to hurt

those who love me..I want to spend most of my moments with you all..I am gonna sleep

in mom's lap..I am gonna play golf with dad..I am gonna listen to all your feelings..

I am gonna be your sweet heart..... and... I am gonna replace Jane, the driver"

"what? but why?

he just drives so well.and he is nice guy!"

Henry stares at her in disbelief

then remembers that it was only a dream

and laughs with relief,

Though in his heart he decides to replace him for sure!

He picks up his towel and goes towards the bathroom, to take his shower

when he reaches the door, he turns around, 

looks at belina's happy and surprised face, smiles and says

"By the way Beli.. You know Gabriel?"

"The Angel of death?"

"he just saved me from leading a life, which is worse than death,
He gave me the idea to live before I die..before I take my last breath!" 

ATRIPT TRIPTI

काश कि सीने में दिल हि ना होता
ना जीते हि हम, ना क़ातिल हि होता

ना चोट होती, ना मरहम कि कमी
ना दर्द होता, ना आँखों में नमी

ना दुश्मन ना मीत,ना हार ना जीत
ना नफरत ना प्रीत, ना फरियादें ना संगीत

ना आना ना जाना, ना खोना ना पाना
ना आंसू बहाना, ना हँसना मुस्कुराना

ना अपनाना ना ठुकराना,ना छुपाना ना जताना
ना कैदी बनाना,ना पीछा छुडाना

ना धूप ना छाया, ना अहम्  ना काया

ना अपना ना पराया, ना मोह ना माया

बस बहते हि रहते, ना साहिल हि होता
ना जीते हि हम, ना क़ातिल हि होता

UNHEARD DOESN'T MEAN UNHURT

I sometimes said it is intense
I sometimes said it is better
Most of the times I kept silent
But did I ever say the pain is gone?

I didn't because It has always been there,
As sharp as before,
every moment piercing my heart till the soul
every moment pinning down my self esteem till the earth
butchering my dreams into uncountable pieces

Everyday I fight with myself
Every moment I try to rationalize my trust for you
but every reason feels insane
but every day I lose

I lose I lose I lose
Oh no..how it hurts
I just try to explain myself..though all in vain
..that no..it is still not over..

Someday my love will win..
and my heart screams at me..
"DON'T BE CRAZY..
how many more proofs you wan't??.. he is not yours
..and never will he be."

tired and afraid
I turn and peep into your eyes..
and I see the same love as before..
it soothes my heart.. but just till the moment I realize..
I realize that this is the same look, which deceived me once..
The same one which you have already proven to be fake..
again and again and again..
And like a brainless heart..I have trusted your lying eyes..
again and again and again..

And.. when I see myself losing again..
And.. I am unable to stop my tears..
And..when my words utter your harsh deeds..
You..instead..of feeling the pain in them..find my words harsh..
You..blame me for my tears..say I keep repeating the pain you gave me
just onces OR twice OR thice..

You hit someone  HARD
You say sorry and think the pain should be gone
And if still the one in question cries and complains..
that see..it still hurts..
You find that annoying and disturbing..
Ask yourself how fair is that??
Take the same hammer and hit yourself..
THE SAME WAY..
And see if you can forgive yourself.
And see if you can ignore the pain and smile for me..
The same way how..I do for you.

UNHEARD doesn't mean UNHURT

हमारे बदलते आईने को देखना
गौर से खामोशी सुन कर देखना
फिर भी दर्द का एहसास जो न हो सके
फ़ुरसत से हमसे दिल बदल कर देखना

पलकों कि ठंडी छावं से जो बरसा दिया
तो तुमने भी पानी समझ कर भुला दिया
पिघले मगर जिस आंच से ये मोती जहाँ
जल जाए ना उस सीने से दामन देखना

कहते हो क्या ख़ास है इस राह में
हैं सैंकड़ों जो चल रहे इस आग में
जब छोड़ जाएंगे कभी हम हार कर
तो दो कदम भी इस पे चल कर देखना

LISTEN TO THE EYES

Words are just 'words', their shallow hold can cover just the mind,

emotions are the depths of heart, words can never unwind

Words are deliberate, words can manipulate, words can cheat, words can hide,

don't trust the words, they are dishonest,they would never show you the deeper side.

Outlet of emotions eyes were meant to be, imagine why tears don't come through lips

lips are too occupied by the mechanical mind,so the heart shares its pain with the eyes, in the form of these beautiful drips..

If you really wish to feel the truth,Look in to the eyes

because this is the beautiful, innocent pair, which never lies

They can mourn while you laugh, they can glare when you smile
bottled up are just the words, but eyes can always speak in their own style

listen to the eyes, they speak more than words,words may say 'its okay' but eyes might insist
you may lie but eyes would resist, you may die but your eyes might still exist

They exclaim in astonishment when they open wide, they shout aloud when they are shut tight
they stare in the opposite direction to say 'not interested',they stare at you penetratingly to declare a fight.

Be it innocence, be it wickedness,whatever you feel, your eyes will reflect
once you shout, you might not get noticed, but when you stare one can never neglect.

the pair can dip you deep in love, when in love, the same pair can drown you deep the blind hatred well
its all about the look they chose for you, and, the the same place is heaven,the same place is hell,

emotions in words lose their value, they are spoken through the eyes
like your emotions, wet are they, speak your heart till it beats, flaunt your feelings till the ocean dries.

SUFFERING FROM NOSTALGIA

I wake up in the morning..

as usual with a broad smile on my face

with a notion that nothing has changed..

my ears expecting to hear the same voices they are used to hear everymorning..

but all I hear is silence..

my ears console me and ask me to wait..

they ring sweet bells of the past mornings voices

when they see me losing my patience..

       

        "good morning shinni.. uth jaa raani beti"

"shinnniiii.... shinnnii.."

               "utho na... uthogii...??... stupid utho..ham bore ho rahe hain"

Voices which enlighten my day..

brighten my heart..bring a smile on my face.

And my dreamy bells are interrupted by a sweet,yet not that desirable voice of my roomie..

"Shivani..what time will you leave for office??" 

I ignore the voice and close my eyes and act as if I am still asleep..

smile gets snatched from my lips..they utter helplessly.. "papa.. ma... didi.."

get no answer from anywhere..

and another useless tear rolls down once again..

another morning without you three..

I don't like this new phase..

I don't like this change..

longing for your comfortable arms and protective shelter..

I don't want to lose on any more moments which I can spend with you..

All I want to do is just come back to you

Be again a sweet happy family as before..

MY DADDY STRONGEST!

In all the circumstances, he stands strong.
I can bet on this, he is never wrong.

He knows all the answers, whatever under the sun
Even when he is silent, being with him is great fun

He is no saint, He is no priest
Yet all respect him, be it human,be it beast

He is high with his principles, he follows them always.
Nothing could change him a bit, in all these years and months and days.

Nothing can get him nervous, no matter it scares you how.
Even if a terrorist enters our house, he would say,"janaab chaay to peete jao!"

He has a charismatic charm, just watch him while he talks.
I bet you will be hypnotized, and follow as he walks.

He has seen the worst in life, but he only gives the best to all.
I have seen him walk smiling the hardest ways, and I have never seen him fall.

He is strong enough to smile when no one can
He is the only one God is proud of, A complete man

Whenever I failed in my exams or for that matter, in my life,he smiled and supported me all the time.
Situations when the other parents felt ashamed of their children, he proudly held my hand up and said, "see, this child is mine.".

My inspiration, my ideal, my philosopher, my guide
My dad is the only religion to which I abide

I know that he is always with me, no matter where I go
Here by I proudly declare, My dad is the real life hero.

I have seen the world, I met all kinds of people, but I found no one like you.

you are the best in this whole world papa and that's why I love you.

BREAKING NEWS: THE ALMIGHTY IS ASHAMED OF HUMANITY

"I peep helplessly down

I see them walking all around,

And I regret the time when I created just two.

The two most dreadful experiments of mine

I proudly designed and exclaimed..

"Ah! here is the most harmless one!"
and I created the pair.

With blunt teeth,soft skin,emotional hearts,poor things..
they looked so innocent and helpless
I was just about to drop them down
when the thought strike me
"how shall they survive"
A thought which destroyed it all..
my entire creation.
A thought which lead me to create that destructive piece of machine
which I fitted in their heads.
The 'so called brain'.


Oh no.. Nothing remains..All overtaken.
this small little disaster spun like a sand storm
And made this second heaven..
worse hell ever.
The creative machines created a lot..enough to destroy it all. 
Those beautiful ones, which I thought would be harmful,
stood helplessly when they were used and killed without a reason
..all the time.

They grew, they evolved, they multiplied, they despised me.
They despised me?..oh that hurts..I created them with so much love.
'Love' yes love is something which could have saved my world.
Did I forget to implant?I didn't, I remember.
I gave them a heart..a beautiful heart full of emotions.
'emotions'..yes this one was the specialty..

Yes, The heart was the definition of humanity.
One difference to make them different from all..
To make my world a better place to live..
The brain I just gave to survive..
But sadly the selfish machine took over the humble heart.
One tragic failure on human's part.


They are killing the others,

They are also killing their kinds..without a reason. 
They are feared by all the other beautiful ones..
All calling me out for help..
but how can I betray my own creation..    
how can I take it back..The machine has chosen the path of destruction..   
humanity has taken an ugly face..They have decided to take my world to a Tragic end.

The tears make me ashamed
The brutality causes disgrace..
Its Not the world I created once..
And I am helpless I can't replace..
So I decide to drift apart
I decide to move away..                            
Away from this sad invention
I would create a new world..
My beautiful trees and grasses and mountains..
my beautiful Tigers and bees and deers and bears..
my beautiful seas and ocean and rivers and fountains..
and all those beautiful things I created Once..
But one promise I make to myself..
I would never ever again create the 'HUMAN RACE'."

    -God ( the forgotten gardener)
     Source- Through a heart uncencored



                                                                      

SEA AND SAND

They hold each other,walk hand in hand
made for each other, like sea and sand

She has the depth, he has the dryness
both are beautiful,but with drifted fineness

He thinks, she feels, she cries, he heals
she hurts, he hides, he hurts, she reveals

She says "lets talk", he says "i don't know what to say"
He says "I want something new!", she says,"I love it this way!"

He says she is pretty, She says he is a beautiful soul
She says he needs to change a bit more, He says she was better before.

A moment of instability, if any one of both betrays
She says "i shall try..",he says,"lets part our ways"

She says "i will be yours forever", He says,"I will be yours till you are mine"
He says" wait for me if I am gone", She says"Once I am gone I will never return"

Yet they hold each other,walk hand in hand
made for each other, like sea and sand

..life cheats all the time..

ज़िंदगी तेरे इम्तहान तो अब आम हो गए
हर बार हम जीत कर भी नाकाम हो गए
तेरे ज़ख्म देने के अंदाज़ का भी जवाब नहीं 
कि क़त्ल तूने किये और हम बदनाम हो गए 

KITNI KHUSHNASEEB HOON MAIN KI MUJHE TU MILA!

मैंने चान्दनी से कहा,

"कितनी खुशनसीब है तू ..तेरा चाँद तो हर दम तेरे पास है.."

इसपे चांदनी मुस्कुराई और बोली,

"हर दम मेरे पास रह कर भी,

मेरे चाँद कि नज़र रहती है हज़ारों पर..

लेकिन तेरा चाँद तुझसे दूर ही सही..

फिर भी उसकी आँखों में सिर्फ तेरा ही बसेरा है.

मेरा चाँद तो लाखों कि आँखों का नूर है..

पर तेरा चाँद तो सिर्फ तेरा है!" 

मैंने शमा से कहा,
"कितनी खुशनसीब है तू..
तेरा परवाना तुझे अपनी जान से भी ज़्यादा चाहता है.."
इसपे शमा झिलमिलाई और बोली,
"मेरे परवाने कि चाहत बेशुमार सही..
लेकिन वो कहाँ मेरे अन्दर कि आग को सह पता है.
तेरे परवाने की चाहत तो इतनी गहरी है,
कि वो तेरी हर कमी को हंस कर अपनाता है..
मेरा परवाना तो मेरी आग में जल कर मिट जाता है..
लेकिन तेरा परवाना तो तेरी आग में जल कर भी मुस्कुराता है!" 


मैंने कुसुम से कहा'
"कितनी खुशनसीब है तू..
तेरा भंवरा तेरे प्यार में कितना दीवाना है.."
इसपे कुसुम ने मुझपे अपनी खुशबु लुटाई और बोली,
"आज मेरा भंवरा मेरी खुशबू में पागल सही..
लेकिन वो तो सिर्फ मेरे रस का प्यासा है..
तेरा भंवरा तो तेरा ऐसा दीवाना है..
कि उसकी मोहब्बत तेरे रूप से नहीं तेरी रूह से है..
मैं तो जिस दिन मुरझाई,भंवरे कि दीवानगी भी खो जाएगी..
लेकिन जब तेरी उम्र ढल भी जाएगी..
फिर भी तू अपने भंवरे कि आँखों में दीवानगी उतनी ही पाएगी! 


हुई सब से मुलाक़ात..
लेकिन कोई भी मुझ सा खुशनसीब नहीं मिला.
कितनी खुशनसीब हूँ मैं कि मुझे तेरा प्यार मिला..
लोग जिनकी मिसालें देते हैं..
उनकी मोहब्बत तो खोखली निकली..
कोई ज़रा हमारे दामन में झाँक के तो देखे..
के हमें खुदा से तोहफे में क्या मिला!

...old attires are always adored.....

मोहब्बत के ज़िक्र पे जाने क्यूँ ये जुबां आज भी तुम्हारा ही नाम लेती है

दिल के वीरान सन्नाटों में अक्सर आज भी तुम्हारी गूँज सुनाई देती है. .

LAMHE bhar hai ZINDAGEE

लम्हों कि उस शाख पर जाने कितने लम्हे बिछे हैं
जाने कितने ही पीछे छूट गए
जाने कितने ही राहों में टूट गए
कुछ तो हम खुद ही छाँट आए
कुछ अपनों में बाँट आए
और कुछ कुछ संजोये बैठे हैं

कभी इन संजोये हुए लम्हों कि पोटली में झाकना
कभी आगे आने वाले लम्हों को ताकना
कहने को तो बरसों लम्बी है ज़िन्दगी
जीने को.. सिर्फ एक लम्हा

सोचो तो तनहा..
देखो तो महफ़िल..
चाहो तो मोहब्बत..
समझो तो पहेली..
जी लो तो.. जी लो तो ज़िंदगी!
लेकिन जीने को..सिर्फ एक लम्हा..

MAIN TO BAADAL HOON..

एक लहराता सा आज़ाद आँचल हूँ 
मैं तो बादल हूँ 


सांझ कि सहेली हूँ 
चंदा से भी खेली हूँ 
ये सब मेरे दोस्त हैं
मैं कहाँ अकेली हूँ 


कभी जो प्यार आया तो
बन के अमृत बरसी हूँ
कोई जो आ टकराया तो 
गिरा के बिजली गरजी हूँ


किसी ने जो मुझे थामना चाहा 
एक ठंडा सा एहसास बन के उसपे छाई 
लेकिन अगर कैद कर के मुट्ठी में बांधना चाहा 
जब उसने मुट्ठी खोली तो खाली पायी


एक बहकाता सा काजल हूँ
मैं तो बादल हूँ 


हावाएं मेरा ठिकाना हैं
जहाँ ये ले जाएँ वहीँ मुझे जाना है
एक जगह कब ठहरी हूँ
मुझे  तो सारे जग पे छाना है


न किसी कि सुनती हूँ न किसी से कुछ कहती हूँ
बस अपनी ही धुन में बहती हूँ
जिनकी चाहत हूँ, उनका सपना हूँ
और जो नहीं समझे हैं,उनके लिए पहेली हूँ


हाँ थोड़ी सी पागल हूँ
मैं तो बादल हूँ 

the DIVINE SIDE..

इन्साफ करना खुदा का काम है, तू  बस माफ़ करता जा.

उस सितमगर कि दुआओं से ही खुद को पाक़ करता जा.

DARLING.. I MIGHT SLOWLY DIVE AWAY..

How I wish you could read beneath my smiles..
and know how I use them to paint my pained expressions.



How I wish you could hear beyond my laughter..
And hear my heart cry and weep in the storm of endless hurting emotions.





How I wish you could feel beyond my smooth heart beats..
And discover some scars unrecoverable, some wounds as green..as fresh.




How I wish you could peep deep within my eyes..
And see a drop of venom spreading in my pure ocean of love.





How I wish you could feel under my lively skin..
And sense my soul dying quietly...shhh.. all in silence.






How I wish you could understand how it hurts..
And I just keep on wishing, and things seem to change..but nothing actually changes..
All what you see is not me living my life..
Its all that I am only trying..
But deep within..slowly and harshly..
Darling I am dying.

Some helpless emotions still remain..DEEP DOWN IN THERE..

रखते थे तेरे हर सितम को सर आँखों पर, लेकिन गवारा बेवफाई न हो सकी.

तुम्हे अपनाना तो मुमकिन ही न रह गया, और बर्दाश्त जुदाई भी न हो सकी.

FORGIVE YOURSELF ;)

The charm is back..the glory has returned..
In the fire of hatred, the hatred was burned..

Nothing remains superior because the line itself has grown..
And that too grown in hardest ways, so the limits have torn..

Once you made me cry, the weakness was mine..
Once I shall make you smile, the grace will be mine..

I tried to hate you, I tried being your way..
But love is my nature, and that I cant betray..

And If someday your heart curses you for your disgrace..
Just say sorry to me, and, "forgive yourself.. :) "..I will say!

I have crossed all the hells, so now just the heaven remains..
I have been gifted with plenty of smiles, so no more sorrows and pains..

Reclining in his cradle, so tender and mild..
I wink at you and say, "look! I am still God's favorite child!!!"